Late-Night Story Time

So it's late, and I need to sleep because I'm getting on a plane for NC in 8 hours (that would include sleeping and the airport madness somewhere in there) but I wanted to at least share one story from last week before I leave blog-world for a few days(*tear*). After having a couple of rough days (if you are lost...see previous posts from last week) the Lord so blessed me with a multitude of different things, but one day in particular that I wanted to tell you about. As I sit here typing I am still just amazed at the way He has completely changed my life in just a week. I will not tell everything because I do need to rest (I am RUN DOWN from keeping quite a rambunctious 4 year old for the past 4 days as a temp. job) but this is too good to pass up on the up-coming 3-day hiatus from my computer.

So last week, let's just be honest, I was STRUGGLING with some things. The waiting. The confusion. The doubt. The worry. Etc. And just about the time I was ready to make some hasty decisions for myself because I was afraid there would be a lack of provision if I didn't have plans for everything...and CONTROL of everything. (Like the Lord has ever given me a reason to doubt whether or not He would show up. Ha.) So I'm on the brink of just "settling" for a family because I desperately needed an income, and just some other decisions that I was ready to jump the gun on (but that was the main one)...and then the Lord straight up rocked my world with one of the lessons from our Bible study ("No Other Gods"). The reading for this particular day was from Exodus 24:12-18. I'll just type it for you because my paraphrasing abilities end around midnight. So this is when Moses is about to go up on the mountain with the Lord where He will receive the 10 commandments, etc...and he is about to leave.

"The Lord said to Moses, "Come up to me on the mountain and stay here, and I will give you the tablets of stone, with the law and commands I have written for their instruction."
Then Moses set out with Joshua his aide, and Moses went up on the mountain of God. He said to the elders, "Wait here for us until we come back to you. Aaron and Hur are with you, and anyone involved in a dispute can go to them."
When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the Lord settled on Mount Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain, and on the seventh day the Lord called to Moses from within the cloud. To the Israelites the glory of the Lord looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain. Then Moses entered the cloud as he went on up the mountain. And he stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights."

If you fast forward to chapter 32, you see that the people get ancy waiting on Moses to come back that they ask Aaron to "Come, make us gods" (v1) because they don't know what is up with Moses and are afraid they have been abandoned, and so feel the need to make other gods rather than wait on Moses and his God. When the Lord see this, he says to Moses in verse 7 "They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them..." There is more to that verse, but when I read that, my entire day changed. You know when you watch cartoons and a character realizes something and they do the light bulb free-frame for a second so you know they got it. Yep. One of those moments. 40 days was an eternity for these people to wait. They thought he was taking FOREVER on that mountain, and because they hadn't heard from him they decided to take matters into their own hands. But when you read the Lord's reaction? 40 days is NOTHING to Him!!! Obviously He knows that we operate on time because we are human, but in the large scheme of things, even our entire life existence in comparison with eternity is nothing. So how much less is 40 days in the eyes of the one who holds the master plan.

So Moses went on up to the mountain for 40 days and 40 nights. The people waited for 40 days and 40 nights. They don't know what has happened to Moses. They got anxious and turned away. God saw this and said they were QUICK to turn away. The Lord calls Abby to move to Nashville. (This part not in the Bible ;) ..) Abby moves to Nashville. Abby starts to struggle. To doubt. To wonder where the Lord's voice is; what she is supposed to do with her life; how she is going to pay the bills; why is she not getting answers. She decides to take matters into her own hands and try to "make plans" herself since she's not getting the help she thinks she needs. Then she does this Bible study. And she has a thought. "Hmm...these people waited for 40 days, to God 40 days was nothing...I wonder how long I've been in Nashville?"

Y'ALL. I am crying again just thinking about it. 40 DAYS. 40 DAYS. THE DAY I started struggling so bad, I had been in Nashville for 40 DAYS. I can't even tell you the humility and joy and peace and embarrassment and laughter and gracious heart that came over me all at once that morning. You never want to admit when you feel like God has left you, because you KNOW that He hasn't. But you don't always feel that He hasn't. (Thank goodness our relationship with Him can be based on what we KNOW about Him and not how we FEEL...I am so emotional sometimes I would have broken up and gotten back together with Him 12 times in one day. Anybody else there sometimes?) But if I'm being honest, that week was one of those times where I FELT like I had been left. Like He was withholding information about my life from me. Like He had brought me here to this new life and then forgotten about me. (Oh, the vain imaginations I can come up with!!) And that day He gave me the biggest hug I've ever felt from Him. I praised Him for His silence. I praised Him for the not-knowing. I praised Him for the chance to rely on Him more instead of my silly plans for how to map out my days in order to pay the bills. He just held me and said, just WAIT. Just a little longer. I'm here. I KNOW. And I've got a plan.

One of the larger parts of my struggling came with needing a job. Y'all I interviewed with 4 families for full-time nanny positions in the last few weeks. All of them great families. None of them are currently paying me a salary. Every time I left a house I just had this thought of "No I need to wait". I didn't know why, but I just didn't feel at peace with any of them. Never once did I stop and think that maybe it was the Lord saying wait because He had something better. I just chalked it up to it not being "meant to be". Well this past Tuesday I got my answer. Monday was my deadline to get back to my boss about this last family, and had I taken it, I would have made double what I needed every month, and had plenty to save for some things in the future. But again, it didn't seem right. Then Tuesday night I met with a woman who I have been in the process of talking to about a nanny job. I realize this doesn't sound any more exciting than the other 4 families I just mentioned, but just trust me on this. This is a woman that I met at the worship service that I go to on Tuesdays, and about 4 weeks ago, the Lord totally directed out conversation in a matter of minutes to her knowing that I was looking for a nanny job, and me knowing that she was looking for a nanny. In fact neither one of us told each other until this week, but in that moment we both had that stir in our hearts that just said "this is a God thing". I think the reminder of that in the back of my mind was why I haven't been able to commit to any other family, because something just told me this other possibility needed to be a priority in keeping my schedule open.

So Tuesday I made it official with this woman and her husband, and I will begin working for her this next week. It is my dream nanny job. NO JOKE. I wish I could describe in detail for you what it is I will be doing, because I know all of this sounds kind of vague and there isn't a way for me a this point to tell you exactly why this job is so distinct for me and different from the others. Because of the person I am working for, I feel like I don't need to go parading that information around, and in the next bit I will be praying about how to share why this excites me so much...but I just don't want to ever sound "braggy" about it or mention this family or their child just for the sake of saying "I work for ____". But let me just say I have NEVER been more excited about a job, or more honored that my Jesus would let me have it...and that this had been in his plan all along.

I'm still in a whirlwind of emotions--all of them amazing--and just completely humbled at how the Lord has SHOWED OFF for me in the last few days. As if He even needed to...but He has done it anyway, and I am on-my-face-grateful for it. He has provided my rent for 2 months now without a full time job, and just so gone out of His way to tell me that He loves me and knows my heart. I feel like I'm totally rambling and I hope some of this made sense. But just know that your prayers were answered, my prayers were answered, the Lord is blowing me away with his provision, and showing me sides of His character I've never seen before--and they are all beautiful.

If 40 days in the wilderness will bring me this kind of joy and adoration for my Jesus, He can send me there anytime. Love you...and see you back here Sunday.